No more games*! Now more one-upmanship! No more outfoxing, outsmarting or outwitting others at their expense!
Instead, what about playing it straight and acting with honesty, integrity, and transparency?
What about prioritising and fostering healthy relationships in business and life?
In this pandemic VUCA** riddled world, many people already have a lot on their minds, assessing risk and worrying about their future. Being in a constant state of wariness is exhausting.
Finding someone you can trust and rely upon to do a good job, someone who wants to work with you, has your back, and understands and respects you in this turbulent sea of uncertainty is very comforting and reassuring indeed. It also makes for good business in good times and bad.
What if, in business and sales, a fair exchange of value, mutual respect, collaboration and cooperation with clients, colleagues, suppliers, and the communities we operate in, are prioritised and valued?
‘Healthy Relationships’ is a complex topic with many facets. I don’t expect to get close to covering many in this post; however, I’m deeply curious and vested in fostering healthy relationships based on mutual benefit, respect, integrity, and a fair exchange of value. Because in all my years in business working and studying the effects on salespeople, teams, clients, and humans in general, when it comes to building and fostering relationships, I know that people are at their best and most productive when they can work with and alongside others with purpose and transparency creating genuine connections of shared value that does no harm. Feeling safe in the knowledge that their efforts will count toward something meaningful and that they are understood, respected, and valued.
Humans are pro social; we rely on each other to survive. Despite the balancing act between Individualistic and collectivist ethos and cultures*** (more about that other time), finding and fostering mutually beneficial and healthy relationships is extremely important and profitable.
So why do some business people and others persist in playing games with us, messing us around and leaving us feeling out of sorts, confused, and worse, taken advantage of? I’ve written in the past about salespeople being wary of the tyre kickers for this very reason. This cost of unhealthy relationships is immense.
What is NOT a healthy relationship
There are certain behaviours within the business world that are all too common and are an indication that a relationship is NOT a healthy one. For example:
- Not being upfront about one’s intentions and giving false impressions that lead people on, waste their time, and leave them often feeling humiliated
- Asking for excessive amounts of information under the guise of a tender/bid only to strip mine the bidder’s IP from the document/presentation for personal gain
- Asking people with specialist knowledge and expertise to give their services away for free, often without acknowledgement, with the ‘promise’ of opening up networks for them
- Lying or withholding important information that if provided upfront would make the other party’s work better. (e.g. not disclosing the budget for a project -even when asked- then letting colleagues and suppliers prepare work/project plans/tenders without this crucial parameter)
- Making false claims about ‘expected results’, expertise, value, etc. and robbing people of their money, time, and trust
- Using coercive control, gaslighting and bullying tactics to undermine your confidence and get you to do things that are against your best interest
- Blaming everyone else for their mistakes, never taking ownership or responsibility
- ‘Moving the goal post’ so people can never deliver what is expected: We can all change our minds, and situations can vary due to external factors, but in a healthy relationship we would have been clear and transparent all the way explaining these changes and allowing time for the other party to adjust.
The benefits of cultivating and fostering healthy relationships
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and trust; however, they are not static and neither does everyone agree with each other all the time.
Healthy relationships are designed to be stressed-tested so that we grow and evolve.
We need to be able to explore boundaries outside of each other’s comfort zones, challenge ideas, introduce new or different concepts, confront, and solve wicked problems, and create pathways for positive change and evolution. Working with someone you trust and rely upon is key.
I know my relationship is healthy with another when we can share ideas and ask questions of each other, especially questions that might be a bit challenging and even if we don’t want to answer the question, we respect the other for asking.
Here are some questions we can use to test the nature and health of our business relationships:
- What are our intentions? Are they honourable, above board and based on a fair exchange of value?
- Have we created psychological safety for each other?
- What are our shared goals and common ground? Are the conditions right for us to work together?
- What do we each value and are these values compatible based on our objectives?
- Can we say NO just as much as we can say YES for valid reasons without losing face or respect?
- Are we building trustworthiness based on authenticity, empathy, and logic?
- Do we have a good business case on which to base our decisions and project plans?
- Do we address the topic, behaviour, issue, or task directly? [and avoid ‘playing the man’, name calling, lying or taking it personally?]
- Do we use respectful evidence-based language and actions to relate and put forward our case?
These are just some of the elements that go toward fostering healthy relationships and avoiding playing the game.
Remember, everybody lives by selling something.
References:
*We are not referring to video games. We are talking about gaming the system. Gaming the system is manipulation or exploitation of the rules designed to govern a given system in an attempt to gain an advantage over other users.
**VUCA – Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity and Ambiguity
***Both collectivist and individualistic cultures are concerned with how individuals in a society prioritise and manage their relationships and goals. Collectivism stresses the importance of the community, while individualism is focused on the rights and concerns of each person. Where unity and selflessness or altruism are valued traits in collectivist cultures, independence and personal identity are promoted in individualistic cultures.
Related topics
Keeping the Tyre Kickers at Bay (Podcast, 11:36 min)
Why a Fair Exchange of Value goes beyond exchanging money for goods
Why you shouldn’t respond to every RFP and tender
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